When there is friction in your relationship
When there is friction in your relationship, what do you?
However, close could be the relationship, will go through ups and downs.
The relationship is not a linear balanced equation.
There will be moments of closeness, and there will be moments of stress.
What we do during the friction in a relationship will define the longevity and quality of the relationship.
Here are what we should try to do when there is a conflict in our relationships.
1.Avoid Complaining and Criticism.
When there is tension or friction in the relationship, the natural human tendency is to complain and criticize the other person. People will shout and yell. You never listen to me, you every time do this to me, etc., etc. That shouting may give temporary relief to you. It may seem that you have taken your revenge. Sometimes even you might think that you have made your point. This temporary emotional reaction leads the situations from bad to worse. I have done this mindless act many times and suffered to a great extent. The best way is to practice a pause and think about your relationship goal with the person? If you shout, complain, and criticize, where does it take the relationship to? Is it going to widen the crack? Will it be non-reconciliatory, and a permanent scar will be created on the other person’s mind. For a temporary urge, it is not wise to jeopardize a relationship. Even if you are in the exit mode in that relationship, it does not make any sense to end the relationship on a bad note. So, do not be quick to complain and criticize.
2)Do not show contempt to the other person
When the tension is high, and the emotion is aroused, the almost automatic reaction is to be contemptuous against the other person. We start with “You are responsible for this.” We all are quick to frame the other person or held them responsible for what has happened. Contempt really does not help; your goal is not to punish the other person. Your goal is to ease the tension and make the relationship cordial again. So, instead of being contemptuous to the other person, you look into what led to the situation. The person is not responsible for the situation; his or her actions or behavior could be. So, instead of attempting to bring contempt against the person, the right approach could be to point out the behavior that has led to the discomfort and how that can be fixed.
3)Do not hurry for self-defence
It is almost primal that whenever there is a conflict situation, we get into self-defence. While that would have been an appropriate response in the Stone Age, there is no need to get into self-defence nowadays. Nobody is going to hit with a spear or a stone. In the worst situation, there could be only a verbal spat. Uncalled for self-defence may lead to spiralling arguments and counterarguments. The moment you proactively get into self-defence mode that may imply that “I am not responsible for the situation” or when you start justifying your position without your turn, the pressure is on the other side to clear off the air. So, it gets into a situation where it is I vs. You.
4) Do not build stone walls
When there are conflicts and which are not resolved, people build stone walls around them. They immediately create boundaries, get into cocoons and try to disengage. You would have noticed once you have an argument with people and that did not get resolved amicably if you try to strike a different conversation, and they demonstrate lukewarm behavior. They will answer in an evasive manner, um, aah, maybe. There is nothing unnatural about this. In this kind of situation, people may feel hurt, they feel unattended, but you are not helping the cause by stonewalling. Maybe sometimes you give a pause to the conflict resolution discussion so that emotions get evened out. You start with a clean slate and objectively, and you may have a breakthrough. Particularly in a close relationship when stakes are high from both sides, if you can keep this unattended and there is no sense of closure, there will always be an uneasiness about the incidence.
These principles are applicable both for a close relationship and your work relationship as well. There is nothing more empowering than being able to navigate through a conflict without getting hurt and without hurting anyone and finding out a solution that will not break the ties with your loved one or a good colleague.
