Small Talk Can Open Big Doors….

It was early Monsoon in Guwahati.

Evening, it started drizzling. I had to compromise my sofa's coziness in the living room and had to go out to pick up some essential items.

The ally to the daily market was dark; however, I could recognize Suresh pretty well.

Hi Suresh, where are you going to?

We had stricken a conversation, some small talks about the weather and why street lamps are not lightened.

I remember that small talk led to a long-term friendship.

I was new to the company at that point in time, and it was the Branch Office of a Large Indian Conglomerate.

Suresh was among the few people in the office with whom I got introduced.

Some people may undermine the skillful act of engaging with somebody into small talks, but it is an absolutely necessary skill in social circles.

We do not discuss our religious beliefs or political affiliations in social circles every now and then.

We would rather like to start with the weather.

Being able to get into a conversation that is fluid, effortless, and non-indulgent is a great art and could be the first step to build a long relationship.

We like to talk.

From time immemorial, people gathered together and talked about daily trivia or mundane routines.

Gossip is such an important activity that shaped human collective imaginations and built collective imagined realities.

Imagine,6000 years ago, the hunters-gatherers huddled together around the fire in the evening and talked about their day's story.

They built bondage on those apparently small trivial discussions, and those discussions would have led to the collective wisdom about how to hunt a deer or a wild boar.

They would have also discussed many things apparently not connected, like how wildfire starts, why lightning happens, etc.

In the early part of human history, collective wisdom got transmitted through those small repeated talks for generations.

With the progress of printing and subsequently Electronics Processing and Storage of data, we do not have to depend on those conversations to pass on the knowledge to the next generations.

Our caveman or hunter-gatherer forefathers may not have consciously started the conversation to disseminate knowledge.

They would have done the same out of the sheer urge to express their own self.

However, it worked like a honey bee doing cross-pollination during the process of collecting honey from the flowers without even knowing the same.

And look at the collateral benefits we do not starve because the honey bee collects honey and pollinate.

In an increasingly digitally hooked society, getting into a casual conversation with a fellow person may need some deliberate efforts.

I can speak for myself that I am not an instant conversation striker with a stranger; I take time to get easy.

However, the flip side of small talks is that many a time, it just stays at the surface level.

Even with your long-term acquaintances, you may hardly know what is going in that person's workplace or has he lost money in his last investment.

Did he see a psychiatrist recently because he was low chronically?

Most of the time, people can not cross this bridge because they find it extremely difficult to open their vulnerability in front of others because of fear of getting judged.

The primal male instinct of acting like a strong provider does not give enough cognitive flexibility to many men to show their softer side.

Men, when they meet over drinks, either argue on the economy or crack dirty jokes.

On the other hand, women are more reconciled emotionally, probably more comfortable showing their emotions to their kids and spouse because they have always been seen as caregivers.

If we want to build long-term rewarding relationships, we can not get stuck in the myriad of small talks alone.

One has to make a deliberate effort to cross the line of the comfort of small talk and open up her or his vulnerability a bit to the other persons.

This is one simple step that can create a strong bond of trust.

If a person is completely non-porous in his interactions, how the other person will weave the thread of emotional bondage?

Now the question is that, do you want to be an alpha man or a strong wonder woman, or you want to build a deeper relationship?

People will ask what if, after baring your heart if the other side does not get it or ridicules you!

Don’t be naive and bare it all to the people without having the context, or if you feel that the other person will not appreciate it, do not do it.

Start gradually, start with a small warm talk and gradually take it deeper level, and you will find wonders happen.