Do you want to win the argument or the relationship?

For a Long time, I did it.

I can’t say that I have completely stopped doing it now.

But, I can say today that I am aware of this.

And try not to do this in my awareness.

I was on a trip to prove myself right all the time.

With the spouse, with the kid, with friends, with colleagues.

Today, I can laugh at myself.

Did you also feel that insatiable urge to prove yourself right all the time?

Win the argument at any cost?

As if being right is only your birthright, exclusive to you only, not to the other party.

Or you are the only enlightened soul in this world who has cracked the exclusive code of knowledge and wisdom.

We had long hours of arguments on some of the most trivial issues during the college days and still being inconclusive.

In one such argument, I told one of my friends, “do not stick to your dogmatic ideas.”

Unfortunately, my friend, who was also from a vernacular medium like me, thought that dogmatic has to do something with the dog ):-

I almost lost his friendship.

Do you also feel that insatiable urge for the counter-argument
when is someone challenging your opinion?

I have tried to understand wherefrom it originates?

Deep insecurity, need for constant validation by others, ego, or lack of empathy?

Winning an argument becomes more important than winning and keeping the relationship intact for some people.

We forget that people and their opinions are not the same.

People carry opinions, and then they justify them because they are conditioned like that.

This is a kind of instant gratification, for momentary pleasure, and you forget that it may harm you in the long run.

Signifies a low Emotional Quotient (EQ)

This is rampant on social media.

Full of trolls.

Full of binaries.

Everybody is out in arms to win the battle.

Some are arrogant.

Some are bullies.

How foolish is that to think that your opinion is going to make a cut with everybody.

Everybody will not like your grand idea and start jumping off their chair and start doing the Bhangra once you tell them about it.

The fact of the matter is that however great idea could be your idea or opinion, no way, it will excite everybody, 100% of the people.

A very acclaimed public speaker once spoke to me that even if you deliver your best speech, there will still be few people who will never like your speech.

So, the choice is yours.

Are you going to concentrate on those 5% grumpy audience or do your best with love for those majority of 95%?

I did a random check. I went to a YOUTUBE popular video, check the comments, and found that there are still people who are making negative comments.

I also checked on a YouTube video of Lata Mangeshkar, the ultimate queen of Indian Playback singing.

You will be surprised to know that the total view for that video was 29457700.

Total likes 150K and total dislikes 27 K.

Can you imagine, if it happens to Lata Mangeshkar, who am you and I?

Not that everybody may like playback music, they can have different musical sensibilities, which is ok.

I am sure Lata Mangeshkar never tried hard to impress upon that 5%.

She did not have to prove it to them.

Apart from this point, I have noticed that carrying out this untenable and non-reconciliatory argument takes a lot of your emotional energy and time.

This is a classic drifting issue.

It will deviate you from making core point and engage you into sub-stories.

My experience is that it’s better not to indulge in a mudslinging match here.

Because when pigs start a fight, they invite others to the muds, and if others join, they start enjoying.

You have witnessed how Twitterati sometimes work in this modus operandi.

This is like a trap; you will be provoked by those people and make a personal attack, and if you get provoked, they are successful.

Nothing would be more frustrating for them if you are not responding.

I wish, one day, I could be in that zen state.

If you know the argument will be open-minded and not personal, objective and both parties come up with the mentality of letting the best idea win.

It could be an enriching experience.

In that case, carry on.

If it is not so, it’s better to refrain from protecting your own sanity.

I was lucky to have some phenomenal friends, colleagues, and managers with whom I fought tooth and nail during the business hours, and still, we could go out in the weekend for a beer together and talk about politics and the latest flicks.

Signifies a high level of EQs.

People who make it to the top know it better.

They handle it better.

Particularly with close friends and family, this is crucial.

I have understood that not all arguments can be won by counter-argument; winning the heart is thousand times rewarding than winning the argument.

Once you win heart, there is a fair possibility that they will also start appreciating your argument.

No, I am not saying you compromise your own value systems; you must stick to your values, let it flow like the Phalgu river inside you, and carry it along.

What are you going to choose?

Relationship over winning argument?

Sanity over instant reaction?

We have to decide.