Do you put things under the carpet

My mother is a very peace-loving person.

I am sure most mothers will be like that, at least in family matters.

They are always giving, compromising, and accomodating.

A bit my mom has come to me.

I am a peace-loving person too and do not like to confront usually.

I am not naturally comfortable confronting uncomfortable situations.

When I reflected upon it, I saw this approach of mine is non-congruent to my value systems.

I believe strongly in fair, just, and equitable treatment to all stakeholders in life or work situations.

However, my evasive approach towards conflicts led to situations where some people took advantage of them.

I often had an approach to diffuse conflicts rather than bringing them to the fore and addressing them with a frontal attack.

This approach brought me a reputation, or lack of it, of being a nice amenable guy, the peacemaker; however, it also projected me as a non-hard-hitter soft person.

I did not make too many enemies in the process, but I also did not solve many issues effectively on time.

So, what is your approach?

Whether we like it or not, conflicts are omnipresent in our lives.

We face conflicts, whether a trivial one or a major one in everyday life or the workplace.

In the workplace, there are people from different ethnic identities, cultures, nationalities, etc.

There are also office politics.

On the homefront also there are everyday frictions.

What color to choose for the curtains, whether to order extra cheese deep with the Pizza or whom to send for onsite assignment from your team or whom to promote, all these may lead to some friction or other.

Conflicts lead to a major loss in productivity in the workplace.

Unresolved conflicts often make relationships toxic.

Contradicting conflicts in your head makes you miserable and affects your personal growth.

As per a study, Conflicts in the workplace cost American companies almost $359 Bn in 2019.

Conflicts affect Employee Morale and lead to Low Performance, delayed resolutions. Conflicts lead to Loss of Revenue, Loss of Sales, impacts Customer Satisfaction, and eventually diminishes organization competitiveness.

Many people take conflicts to be only major ones like conflicts between Nations, Contractual Conflicts, Conflicts of Dogmas, Ideologies, etc.

They overlook Conflicts all prevalent in their life or works and try to avoid.

We often do not discuss conflicts with our loved ones because that may lead to an uncomfortable situation and spoil the relationship.

This is such a selfish act, for the interest of being popular, we are not getting into resolving some sticky problems.

I remember a couple of incidents in my life that depicts the situations.

During my early engineering days, I picked up a habit of occasional smoking.

When my mother came to about that, she was terribly upset.

Being a non-confrontational lady, she did not say anything to me and kept suffering on the issue.

A couple of days later, my elder sister wrote a letter that she kept on my table to pass on the message to me.

None of them called me face to face to confront.

Similar things happened many times in the workplace for me.

One of my team members was a perennial latecomer in the office, and it took me a while to actually confront the situation and fix the issue.

There are different styles of conflict resolution.

They are Avoiding, Completing, Accommodating, Compromising, and Collaborating.

Every style has pros cons, and different situations may call for invocation of a different style.

I personally think, given a chance, most people will love to avoid a conflict situation.

For effective conflict resolution, people need high emotional intelligence (EQs).

People with low EQ either avoid conflict or can’t resolve them effectively.

Today we live in a more complex and volatile world, and there are bound to be situations that could call for skillful handling of conflicts.

Lastly, conflicts need not be only external to our lives; there are conflicts and contradictions in our minds as well.

For a modern person, it may not be completely possible not to have contradictions in his mind.

We face situations that are not either black or white; there are many shades of grey.

As American poet, Walt Whitman write

“Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)” — — Song of Myself

Whether it is external or internal conflicts, we must not put them under the carpet and carry the burden of not having a sense of closure all the time.

Eventually, we will have to develop the skill and courage to face conflicts and resolve them.

That said, choose your battle, not that every battle has to be fought.

If you feel that avoidance is the best option for resolutions, so be it.

The most critical thing is to have a sense of logical closure without carrying emotional baggage.

So next time you face a conflict situation, I hope you will be able to approach it a little better.