Are You Showing That Tough Love To The People You Cared For…

Every eagle needs a push.

What an irony!

The bird that soars high when others fear and goes back to its nest also needs a push.

When there is rain and storm, other birds go back to their little nest and cozy up, and the eagle flies past the clouds to avoid the rain and the storm.

Mama eagles go to the top of the mountain and build their nest there.

She hatches there and grows the eaglets there.

The young eaglets grow upon in most hostile conditions.

Mama eagle stays nearby and protects the eaglets.

Then the final day comes.

It’s time for the eaglets to spread their wings and fly.

The mama eagle pushes the eaglets one by one without even letting them know off the nest.

That’s how an eaglet learns to fly.

You must be thinking how cruel the mama eagle could be.

But, that cruel initial push, however frightening and challenging, defines the path of the future eagle and the growth of the wing muscle.

That’s why they soar high when other chickens out.

Are you a mama eagle?

Or are you afraid of being so because of your conditioning or fear of being seen as someone cruel?

I was not a mama eagle in raising my kid, growing my people, or nurturing the relationships.

I was a little meek and timid, had a subtleness, and a very reconciliatory approach most of the time.

Oh, do not get me wrong, that it is not because I loved it that way.

I tried to avoid those tough discussions, taboo subjects and push people real hard outside their comfort zone.

Was it a skill issue?

Or was I afraid of being framed as an insensible, not-so-nice guy?

Or was I a people-pleasing character?

Not that I did not know that the push was necessary and did the same sometimes.

But I could have done much better.

What amazes me that most people become repulsive to the people who show them, tough love.

They avoid them; they cannot emotionally process them, become extremely defensive with them.

This limits their growth.

The problem could be with those mama eagles also.

While the eaglet sails through the first push and spread wings to glory in the first attempt, people are different.

When people are pushed out of their comfort zone, they go through emotional anxiety.

If no trust is built between the people being pushed and pushing them, then friction is bound to happen.

In a situation like an eaglet, most people can not demonstrate the mental and emotional capacity to process the event in the right context.

However objective may be the feedback and a constructive criticism some people can not take them with the right spirit.

Mark of a fixed mindset.

I see people flattering or giving made-up feedback all the time to their friends, people in relationships, team members even if their work is a piece of shit.

Here one cannot give constructive and objective feedback, and the other is incapable of processing it.

This happens all the time in all spheres of life politics, corporate, and family life.

We have a history of even shooting the messengers.

I am not undermining the importance of encouragement here.

Encouragement is a positive factor, but it is not about hiding the limitations and drawbacks and giving all good feedback.

It is about being objective, applauding for the efforts, and keep people motivated.

All the incomplete, difficult conversations, unresolved conflicts, taboo questions not discussed bring down families, relationships, companies, and political parties.

People who can not show tough love are selfish; they approaching everything from their perspectives only.

They lack true empathy and compassion.

Have you seen overprotected children who could not develop life skills struggling in their adult life?

I know a story.

There was a brilliant student; his parents provided him all conveniences and emotional support all the time.

They protected him in the little cozy, safe cocoon.

He cracked IIT and went to the hostel.

In the first semester flunked because he was unable to live independently and take care of himself.

His parents were not there to support him all the time.

He was in an emotional wheel share which needed a caretake all the time.

Overprotection and lack of tough love in life led to this situation.

How sad is that?

When I joined my career, I was straightway put in the field in front of my customers even before I knew the stuff and ready.

I was like that small eaglet who had flown in that push without even getting any prepared.

Thank god I did that and figured it out eventually for myself.

Someone told me that he is thankful to all the naysayers in his life because eventually, he figured to do it myself.

However, showing tough love is like tight rope walking.

If there is more toughness and less love, then people drift; they alienate.

That is how employees alienate from the manager; kids alienate from parents.

No deep trust and emotional bonding were built there.

The closest analogy I can bring here is like having an excellent sports coach.

They know how much to push your limit, take care of your mental resilience, and give you the recognition at the appropriate time, and that grows the bonding solid and healthy.

Please do not be selfish and show that tough to your people and let them expand.