Are You Operating from Your Past References all the time?
Do you operate from your past references all the time?
Or every time you are in a situation, you investigate, look at the facts closely and then form your opinion based on the evidence.
When we handle any situation that may appear familiar with our mental references, we get into automatic mode most of the time and quickly form our judgments.
We feel that investigating further is a waste of time.
It reminds me of the classic story of the shepherd boy who shouted “Tiger” for having fun when there was none.
When the actual tiger came out, all the villagers operated from old references.
In the workplace and relationships, this could be a big issue.
Whenever there are arguments, conflicts, or any other problem, we check our memory for old references to make quick sense of the same to act.
Our conformity biases work here.
Secondly, we are meaning-seeking machines.
If we do not understand things, we become incredibly uncomfortable, and we look for quick meaning and cling to the slightest evidence from the past.
This is part of our survival strategy.
Otherwise, if we get into every detail, explore and examine all the incidences throughout the day, or be completely exhausted.
Our productivity will go for a toss.
So, we do stuff in an automatic mode most of the time.
At least for the tasks which have an apparent resemblance to the past.
This saves enormous efforts and energy.
But this could be a trap, and we may act very shortsighted at times.
When we see an incidence and prima facie, it appears familiar; we form a quick opinion and miss the nuances.
We make the mistake of gross generalization.
While looking at intricate people or relationship issues, assuming things, forming quick opinions, and passing that on may cost us dearly.
Assume a particular team member of yours asked for dedicated one-on-one time from you during the annual appraisal to discuss something.
He has been doing this for the last three years, and he discusses his annual raise during that time.
This year also he has asked for your time.
You replied, this year, there is no raise.
The company is passing through a tough time because of Covid, and we can not give any raise this year.
No boss, your team member replied, I am not asking for any raise.
I know you will eventually talk about that after you are done with your pre-text.
Poor chap meekly tried to convince you once more, but you refused.
You have been under stress because of the revenue dip, and time is just not right to discuss the annual raise.
After two days, you get a resignation mail from the same employee.
Upon inquiry, the employee said, I wanted to discuss my future career move before putting down the paper.
But you denied speaking.
Holly shit! You curse yourself then.
Sound familiar?
The same thing happens in a relationship.
Suppose, every day before starting from the office; you call up your spouse to check if anything needs to be picked up en-route from the market.
One day, you called your spouse at the same time to inform him or her that you got stuck in a client meeting and you will be late.
Without listening to you completely, your spouse replied, no darling, nothing to be picked up.
This may be low stake incident.
Think of a high stake situation.
Your spouse called to tell you that his or her car had met an accident, and you thought that to be a regular daily call.
You did not pick up the call immediately as you were into something, and you decided to call back later.
Things could be really messy.
So, if we operate all the time from our repertoire of opinions, judgments, and past references, then we will be inept in handling situations that call for more nuanced treatment.
At times, our experiences could be limiting.
Let the curiosity be alive and look at even old things with a new look.
Who knows, some wonders are waiting to happen.
If you treat your buddies in the relationship as a new person every time, I think the relationship will never be old!
Similarly, in conflict situations, do not presume, but look for that nuanced details to handle it better.
